This "Journey to Liberia" has been much different than we anticipated. I've come to the point where I'm okay with that, but it's taken awhile. I still have no idea how this journey will end. As for today, we continue to wait to bring Nana home. We have no control over whether or not we will be allowed to continue to wait. If we are allowed, we have no idea how long that wait will be. One day at a time is all I can handle right now.

At least for tonight, I'm okay with that.

I don't know if I'll post here for awhile. I probably will only post here again if I have concrete news on Nana, or on this process ending. In the mean time, feel free to visit our family at my other blog...www.kerristetler.blogspot.com

I was about twelve weeks pregnant with Riley when I started bleeding. I remember laying in my bed thinking that this could be it, it might all be over. All I could do was wait and see if I would lose my baby that day. I was full of fear. Riley will be eight years old in August, but I still remember every feeling from that day so vividly. All of those feelings returned tonight. I don't know what tomorrow may bring, but it's possible that this may all be over, we may lose our baby.

I only post all of this here because I know so many of you that read this journal pray for our family and for Nana. Please pray for us tonight.

Mother's Day 2009.
A very good day. I enjoyed spending the day with my mom and grandma. My thoughts drifted to Nana often as I watched my boys play today. My mom gave me my baby bracelet and my first locket to give to Nana. I can't wait to put that bracelet on her little wrist.

We sang this at my parents' church this morning...

Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to you

Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

I guess that's all that really needs to be said.
To those of you waiting today as well, Happy Mother's Day!

International Adoption Waiting Disorder...

Symptoms may include irritability, moodiness, forgetfulness, absent-mindedness, and sleep problems.

Some days I feel like I'm walking around in a fog. Yesterday I was just plain loopy. I was careless while doing some cleaning around the house and almost seriously injured myself. I'm okay, but quite sore today. I also may have broken my pressure canner in the process, which would really suck. I also managed to somehow send a very emotional and personal email that I had written to a friend who is adopting as well, to my caseworker instead. Excellent, very professional. Luckily, my caseworker is a very kind and understanding individual who has been through this process five times. Five times, are you serious? I really can't imagine doing this again. Of course, I said that the first time I delivered a baby as well.

I stepped out on the porch this morning to take my boys to school and saw a package sitting by the front door. A gift was inside for Nana, a very special gift. My friend, Sarah, had mailed a quilt she made over the weekend. She lives in Washington and is adopting a little boy from Liberia that is about the same age as Nana. I have absolutely no crafty/creative abilities, so I get really excited when someone gives us something handmade for one of our kids. The quilt is BEAUTIFUL, all pink, purple, and girly!

I'm ready to start working on her room, but something keeps holding me back. My head says it just a lack of time right now, my heart wonders if that is the real reason I haven't started. I think I've been guarding my heart a bit. This gift might be just the motivation I need! Hopefully it will motivate my husband too, because the room needs a lot of heavy duty construction work and I can't do that by myself. Thank you so much, friend. It really is a beautiful gift!

I sure do wish I had more to share with you all today about progress in Liberia. I don't. God has blessed us with His peace during this part of the wait, although some days are harder than others. Of course, we always welcome your prayers. We always need them. If you could pray especially today for Nana to remain in good health while wait for her to come home, we would really appreciate it.

The two year old said from the back seat of the minivan yesterday...

"Mommy, is God and Jesus with sister bear in Liberia."

I almost had to pull the van over to the side of the road.

The latest news from Liberia...

The Liberia House has passed the new Children's Bill. This is very good news and protects the children of Liberia in so many ways. However, the adoption guidelines that we have all been waiting for patiently have been removed from the bill. At first, this sounds like a set back. However, I really think this is a step in the right direction. The President has decided that she wants a separate Adoption Bill to come before the House. She has ordered that a Central Adoption Authority be established that will have the responsibility of ensuring that adoptions in Liberia are ethical and legal. So, we have no time line and the suspension has not been lifted yet. But, we are encouraged to hear that the President is giving so much time and attention to the adoption situation and are hopeful that special needs adoptions will be considered in the near future. Keep in mind, we are not really sure what "the near future" means in Africa...certainly not what it means in the United States.

Thank you for your prayers, please keep praying.