Let's try this again...sent the I600-A BACK to immigrations today. Hopefully I won't hear from then again until they contact us about fingerprinting. I'm not writing all of this out for your reading pleasure, I'm aware that this is not the most exciting kind of information to read. I'm writing each step of this out so it is documented here for us to look back at and for our girls to read some day. I wrote often, either on this blog or in my journal, about each step of my pregnancies with the boys. In a completely different way, I'm pregnant again and I want to record each step of this "pregnancy" as well.

A few weeks ago we attended a service at the big Vineyard church with my in laws. During the praise and worship time the band started playing a song that has become very familiar to me over the last five years. I completely lost it. These are the words...

If You say go, we will go
If You say wait, we will wait
If You say step out on the water
And they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come

Your ways are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid
Are good and true
If You call us to the fire
You will not withdraw Your hand
We'll gaze into the flames and look for You

We first heard this song while we were planning our move to Columbus from Bowling Green. We had no idea what God had in store for us, all we knew was that He had said to leave EVERYTHING that was familiar and secure and to trust Him for all we needed. At times this song was all I had to cling to. I would listen to it repeatedly, sobbing while I was packing up our house. When we decided to move to Franklinton this song was again extremely important to me. God used it to remind me that it was my job to simply obey Him. And now, this adoption. It's crazy, I know that. I know a lot of people think it's crazy. We know it's what God has called us to. It's as simple as that. So, hearing this song again at Vineyard was extremely emotional for me. Tonight I had dinner with my in-laws and while Pop Pop had the boys in the bathroom my mother-in-law told me that she really believed that God used that song that night as another confirmation that we were doing the right thing. I really needed to hear that tonight.

One step forward, two steps back. That's how it feels right now. The Columbus immigration office seems to think that I did not mail in enough money with my I600-A, even though I followed all the directions given to me very carefully. Lighthouse actually verified that I had done everything correctly and filed the paperwork for me. So frustrating to receive it all back in the mail today. So, there is nothing I can do about it until Monday. As if the wait for all this immigration stuff isn't long enough...we get to add a few weeks to our wait time now.

And yet, here's the most important thing I'm learning...God's timing is perfect. And, it's not always important for me to understand.

Tonight it was a joy to watch my little boys play together and I couldn't help but think what this house will look like with two more little people running around giggling.

Thank you so much to those of you who continue to give to help make this dream a reality. We have received such generous gifts, sometimes from people we don't know well at all. Thank you so much.

Lighthouse emailed me tonight to let me know that our I600-A was sent out today. Diana is working on getting everything ready for Acres of Hope this week. It feels like we are moving forward a little now, which is a good feeling. Each small step forward makes all of this feel so much more real.

I have a few more thoughts, but it's too late to write them all out now. Maybe tomorrow...

A message on my answering machine from Lighthouse today...
"We have found your dossier documents. They are safe and sound..."

You have no idea how nervous I have been. Do you realize how long it would have taken us to redo all of this if it had gotten lost in the mail? Yesterday the entire box was missing.

The Davis Family

Amber's Family

Here are the links that were on my last post. I wanted to provide them again so you can continue to pray for these families.

So, what happened to the rest of that post? I deleted it. It was full of fear...fear that was based on rumored information and someone else's experience. I've been learning a lot about myself over the past two weeks, and a lot of it hasn't been very pretty. But, it's been good to feel like God is teaching me even if the lessons to be learned aren't easy. Here's the main problem...I have serious control issues. I always have. I like to know what's coming. I like when things are predictable. I do everything in my power to make sure I have things running smoothly. These are things that help me feel safe and secure. So, everything about international adoption, especially international adoption from a third world country, goes against all that I find so comforting. When I was pregnant with my boys I felt somewhat like I was still in the driver's seat. I'm sure that this was a false sense of security, but I did what I could. I took my vitamins, went to all my doctor appointments, tried to eat right and rest as much as possible. I was reassured that things were fine every time I heard the baby's heart beat, felt him kick, or saw his little body on an ultrasound. This is all so different. Here's how I feel while I'm waiting this time around...like I'm standing at the end of a pier and throwing a piece of my heart into the ocean. Then I'll have to run down to the shore and wait to see what the waves bring in. Hopefully this piece of my heart that I've been vulnerable with will return to me. But, I can't control the ocean. It has a mind of it's own. I can only hope. So, I came up with my only little solution to make me feel like maybe I could possibly control this process to some degree. I found the world of Liberian adoption blogs. I have read some beautiful stories of children finding forever homes. I've read many miracles and seen pictures of many smiling faces. At the same time I've read the horror stories. I've heard way too many rumors and read way too much gossip. Often this is not malicious or intentional, but it's still not first hand information from my agency. I felt like I could stay on top of things if I read about the experiences of others. I thought that if I read about a problem another family was experiencing I could avoid that problem for our family. Last week was a somewhat unstable week for adoption in Liberia and I read all about it, all the time. I spent way too much time reading and I was suddenly full of fear.

So, here's what it all boils down to...God has called our family and given us a heart for Liberia. He has asked me to respond with child like obedience and He expects me to trust Him. Our prayer and hope is that at the end of this journey two new children will be a part of our family. In the midst of it all, He has some serious lessons for me to learn about being a mother, a wife, and more importantly about being part of His Kingdom.

I've given up reading adoption blogs for Lent.

99% of our dossier has been mailed in! I have one last thing that I will hopefully get this week to send to Lighthouse. The I600-A has been mailed in with the money orders. We keep moving forward.

One last thing...if you are still reading. Please keep saving your change. It may seem like it doesn't really matter because it's such a small amount of money. It adds up! We have now rolled about $550! Thanks so much to everyone who has contributed. If you need a bottle, please let me know.