Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The Davis Family

Amber's Family

Here are the links that were on my last post. I wanted to provide them again so you can continue to pray for these families.

So, what happened to the rest of that post? I deleted it. It was full of fear...fear that was based on rumored information and someone else's experience. I've been learning a lot about myself over the past two weeks, and a lot of it hasn't been very pretty. But, it's been good to feel like God is teaching me even if the lessons to be learned aren't easy. Here's the main problem...I have serious control issues. I always have. I like to know what's coming. I like when things are predictable. I do everything in my power to make sure I have things running smoothly. These are things that help me feel safe and secure. So, everything about international adoption, especially international adoption from a third world country, goes against all that I find so comforting. When I was pregnant with my boys I felt somewhat like I was still in the driver's seat. I'm sure that this was a false sense of security, but I did what I could. I took my vitamins, went to all my doctor appointments, tried to eat right and rest as much as possible. I was reassured that things were fine every time I heard the baby's heart beat, felt him kick, or saw his little body on an ultrasound. This is all so different. Here's how I feel while I'm waiting this time I'm standing at the end of a pier and throwing a piece of my heart into the ocean. Then I'll have to run down to the shore and wait to see what the waves bring in. Hopefully this piece of my heart that I've been vulnerable with will return to me. But, I can't control the ocean. It has a mind of it's own. I can only hope. So, I came up with my only little solution to make me feel like maybe I could possibly control this process to some degree. I found the world of Liberian adoption blogs. I have read some beautiful stories of children finding forever homes. I've read many miracles and seen pictures of many smiling faces. At the same time I've read the horror stories. I've heard way too many rumors and read way too much gossip. Often this is not malicious or intentional, but it's still not first hand information from my agency. I felt like I could stay on top of things if I read about the experiences of others. I thought that if I read about a problem another family was experiencing I could avoid that problem for our family. Last week was a somewhat unstable week for adoption in Liberia and I read all about it, all the time. I spent way too much time reading and I was suddenly full of fear.

So, here's what it all boils down to...God has called our family and given us a heart for Liberia. He has asked me to respond with child like obedience and He expects me to trust Him. Our prayer and hope is that at the end of this journey two new children will be a part of our family. In the midst of it all, He has some serious lessons for me to learn about being a mother, a wife, and more importantly about being part of His Kingdom.

I've given up reading adoption blogs for Lent.

99% of our dossier has been mailed in! I have one last thing that I will hopefully get this week to send to Lighthouse. The I600-A has been mailed in with the money orders. We keep moving forward.

One last thing...if you are still reading. Please keep saving your change. It may seem like it doesn't really matter because it's such a small amount of money. It adds up! We have now rolled about $550! Thanks so much to everyone who has contributed. If you need a bottle, please let me know.

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