There are 5002 miles between me and my daughter.
It's 3:37am in Liberia right now.
I'm here in Ohio and have remained present with my boys all day today, which is no small accomplishment. But, as I watch them sleeping in bed tonight, my mind can't help but wander to the west coast of Africa and think about a little girl sleeping there.

I just walked into the laundry room and found a huge bag of baby girl clothing. One of Eric's co-workers gave them to us, but I think they had been in Eric's car for awhile. I didn't know they were there. They are all summer clothes, the size we would need for Nana this summer. My heart hurts right now, that's the only way I know how to describe how I feel. I wish I could dig down deep and find some hope that she might be wearing these this summer, some days I have that kind of optimism and hope...some days I just don't. Eric had a conversation with our case worker on Friday...long conversation, no answers. Tuesday I will be talking for the first time with Patty Anglin, the director of Acres of Hope. She is now in Liberia, which is a very good thing. I'm looking forward to talking with her. I'm hoping for at least a few answers, but even if I just get some reassurance that Nana is doing well I'll be happy.

As I sit here typing I hear Riley in the other room..."Mom, this stuff is so cute. Awww...mom come look. Trey look at the pj's!" I'm going to dig way, way down and find some hope, for their sake at least. It's time like these where my prayers must start to sound really desperate, almost like I'm begging God for some help with this. I really don't even know how to pray tonight, just hoping the Spirit speaks to the Father on my behalf.

To be honest, I'm a bit nervous to share too many details on the internet about this process right now. Yes, I'm probably paranoid.

At the same time, I want to keep this blog going because I know many of you check this regularly so you know how to pray. Your prayers mean so much to us right now. We need them!

The concrete good news I have right now is that all children have been returned to Acres of Hope's orphanage. Our Nana was never removed because she is in a different facility. Although we have been so grateful that her care was never disrupted, we have been worried sick about the children who were taken from the only home they know and from their nannies. This is also very good news because Acres of Hope must be in good standing with the Liberian government for our adoption to be processed.

I don't have any more official news at this time, but things are looking more hopeful and we look forward to sharing more good news with you as we receive it.

Again, we rely on your prayer support. It is what sustains us right now. Last week I was numb to all of my emotions regarding this adoption. Maybe that was gift, maybe I needed a week off from all of the feelings. Today it all became real again, which is good too. Allowing myself to feel makes my prayers more consistent and urgent. The trick is to not allow fear to creep in.

Last Sunday my grandmother reminded me of some very important words a friend had said to us in December. This man is a friend of our family who was recently diagnosed with cancer. Grandma and I saw him in December and we were sharing with him that we had been praying daily for his healing. He appreciated our prayers and then said, "This isn't my battle to fight. It never has been. It's His." My grandma thought it might be best for me to focus on those words from Marvin. I did, and it brought such freedom this week. It's Sunday again and I need to remind myself again that this week will be full of so much joy, peace, and freedom if I can refuse to take back what I've given over to God.

Friends, it's so true. This is not my battle to fight. I love this little girl already, but how much more does her Creator love her. I already want to fight for her, but how much more does He.